Single mom and dating
This kindness bleeds into your other relationships. Being a single mom means that you have been through at least three life-altering experiences. Forgive the friends and in-laws who you felt deserted you.At first it was confidence-boosting to see that there were a lot of men who wanted to get to know me. What it really came down to was me finding someone who could take on part of my responsibilities. Taking the time to get to know someone meant pulling from time I spent working or taking care of myself. “You can’t expect to either quit having sex or find a perfect match when you’re 40 years old and have kids,” a male friend said.Dating became a distraction from my daily life, an escape from my full plate of responsibilities. He didn’t have kids and didn’t understand the sinking devastation I felt. “It’s nice to have someone who will have sex with you and not be a jerk, yet not have any expectations or all the emotional stuff.” He had a point.When you think of a single mom on the dating scene, visions of a 20-something who can barely balance her own checkbook (guilty) probably don’t come to mind.
My single-mom body is a wreck and I haven’t been on a date in 15 years! Confidence, a full heart, and life experience all equals being a richer, fuller person. My longest friendships were still forming, and I was still figuring out what was most important to me. Women with kids have a whole lot of responsibilities. Time is precious, and efficient moms know that the best way to spend time with a man is truly enjoying a really, really great one. I went out with a girlfriend in Montclair, NJ, to a fun place called Just Jakes. It was a little deceiving, sure, but I thought telling the guys I was a single mom would influence their answers—and I wanted raw thoughts.It was lovely being out sans Jack, having a cold beer at the bar, surrounded by other adults enjoying drinks, conversation, and music. I videotaped their answers, transcribed what they said, and here’s what I got: “My mom was a single mom most of my childhood, so I have tons of respect for single mothers.I couldn’t lose my babysitter in all of this mess, too. Yet the only thing I’d been doing was keeping my head barely out of the water.“Maybe I should set up an online dating account to help me get over him,” I said. After a day on the site, I had three dates on the calendar. Asking a man out on a date, or accepting one, wasn’t just 90 minutes over a beer, sharing the anecdotes that would make us attractive enough to make out with each other.